Fifteen-year-old Ethan preferred the immersive worlds of his gaming computer, where he could express his creativity and escape the pressures of school and social expectations — a stark contrast to the bright lights of a football field. In his corner of the digital world, Ethan felt safe until one day, a private message pinged from an unfamiliar username, SummerRae99. Her profile picture showed a smiling girl his age, framed by long, sunlit hair.
Cyber Safety Cop Founder Clayton Cranford will be presenting “Social Media & Youth: AI, Threats & Solutions” at this summer’s Campus Safety Conference being held in Austin, Texas, July 21-23. For more information and to register, CLICK HERE.
They started chatting. She seemed perfect: funny, kind, and interested in everything he said. Over the weeks, their messages became more personal. When Summer suggested they exchange pictures, Ethan hesitated but ultimately gave in. It felt like the natural progression of their budding connection.
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But the illusion shattered when the messages turned dark. Summer was gone. Instead, a new voice emerged: cold and menacing.
“I have all your photos, Ethan,” the message said. “If you don’t send $1,000, I’ll post them everywhere — your school, your family, your friends. You have 24 hours.”
Ethan’s heart plummeted. He tried to think, but panic clouded every rational thought. His savings from summer jobs wouldn’t even cover a fraction of the demand. Sleep eluded him that night as his mind conjured nightmare scenarios of his friends laughing at him, his teachers judging him, his life unraveling.
The next morning, his mom, Linda, noticed something was wrong. Ethan, usually quick to joke or smile, looked withdrawn. Dark circles framed his eyes, and he barely touched his breakfast. But when Linda asked, he shrugged her off with a mumbled, “I’m fine.”
For days, Ethan avoided everyone, including his mom. He stayed in his room, paralyzed by fear. The extortionist’s messages grew more aggressive.
“Time’s up. If I don’t see the money by tonight, your life is over.”
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Ethan couldn’t take it anymore. Desperate, he emptied his meager savings, but it wasn’t enough. He stared at the screen, tears streaming down his face. Just as he was about to type a frantic plea for more time, his mom knocked on his door.
“Ethan, we need to talk,” Linda said gently, stepping into the room. She paused when she saw the fear in his eyes and the shaking in his hands. “Honey, what’s going on?”
Ethan broke down, unable to hold it in any longer. Between sobs, he told her everything — the messages, the pictures, the threats. He expected anger or disappointment, but instead, Linda pulled him into a hug.
“Oh, Ethan,” she whispered, her voice breaking. “I’m so sorry you’ve been carrying this alone. But listen to me — you are not alone. We’ll get through this together.”
That afternoon, Linda called me. Linda explained the situation. I listened and then assured her I would help in any way I could.
The next day, I visited their home. His mom already told him I was coming over.
“Hey, Ethan. I’m Clay Cranford,” I said. “Your mom told me what’s been going on. I want you to know you’re not in trouble, okay? I’m here to help.”
Ethan nodded, his eyes darting nervously from his mother to the officer.
“I’m really scared,” he admitted softly.
We all sat on the living room couch, where I explained how predators often hide behind fake profiles, carefully crafting personas designed to appear trustworthy and relatable. They may share fabricated stories to evoke sympathy, build trust through prolonged conversations, or exploit mutual interests to create a false sense of connection.
These tactics are aimed at breaking down barriers and making victims feel safe enough to share personal information or content. They may pose as peers with shared interests, engage in friendly conversations, and gradually build trust over time. By appealing to their targets’ emotions and curiosity, predators create a false sense of security, making it easier to manipulate teens into sharing personal information or photos.
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“What happened to you is more common than you might think,” I said. “This person is trying to scare you into paying money, but it’s a scam. We see it often, and we’re going to do everything we can to stop it.”
Ethan finally breathed a small sigh of relief. It helped to know he wasn’t some rare target for a ruthless blackmailer.
“Thank you,” Ethan said, voice trembling. “But I feel so stupid.”
Linda squeezed Ethan’s hand. “It’s going to be alright.”
I guided them through the necessary steps: reporting the incident, blocking the harassing account, and securing Ethan’s social media profiles. We also talked about resources for emotional support.
Sextortion – a type of online blackmail — is now an epidemic plaguing hundreds of thousands of young people every year. In 2023, the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) CyberTipline received over 186,000 reports of online enticement – a more than 300% increase from 2021.
Online enticement is a broad category that includes sextortion, in which a child is groomed or coerced into taking sexually explicit images or even meeting face-to-face with a perpetrator for sexual purposes. The ongoing rise in financial sextortion, where an offender demands money from a child while threatening to share nude or sexual images of them publicly, has contributed to the growth of this category. Ninety percent of financial sextortion victims are teenage boys, reports USA TODAY.
How Does Sextortion Typically Happen?
Sextortion is a digital crime in which an individual (often a predator) threatens to share intimate images, videos, or messages of a victim unless a demand — be it monetary compensation, additional explicit content, or other forms of compliance — is met. Children and teens are prime targets because they can be more vulnerable to manipulation and less aware of the dangers associated with sharing personal content online.
Sextortion generally happens in three stages:
- Online Grooming: Predators pose as peers or friendly adults and connect with children through social media, messaging apps, or online gaming platforms. They establish a rapport and gain the child’s trust, which makes it easier to request or extract private details or content.
- Gathering Personal Data: In many cases, the predator seeks sensitive information — photos, videos, or even personal secrets. Children might feel safe sharing these details because they believe they’re interacting with someone their own age or a “trusted friend.”
- Threats and Coercion: Once in possession of compromising material, the predator threatens to share or publish this content unless demands are met. Children, feeling trapped or ashamed, may comply out of fear, inadvertently feeding the cycle of exploitation.
This type of blackmail isn’t limited to a single platform or social media channel. It can happen anywhere a young person interacts online. The best defense is a clear and open line of communication between parents and their children, combined with an understanding of how the sextortion process plays out.
The Psychological Toll on Children
When a child becomes a victim of sextortion, the psychological impact can be devastating. Fear, shame, and isolation are common reactions, as many victims believe they have made a fatal error in judgment. This can escalate to:
- Depression: Feeling that there is no way out of the situation.
- Anxiety: Constant worry about the images or videos being exposed.
- Guilt: Believing they are somehow at fault for trusting the wrong person.
- Trauma: Potential for long-term emotional scars that affect self-esteem and relationships.
Sextortion thrives on secrecy, as perpetrators bank on the victim’s terror of being exposed. By acknowledging the seriousness of this threat and having regular discussions, parents can mitigate the shame-based nature of this crime, ensuring that children understand they can and should seek help immediately.
Protecting Your Child in a Digital World
Set Clear Guidelines and Expectations
Establish structured rules around device use. Outline which applications, websites, and social platforms are permitted, and discuss the reasons behind these guidelines. Children crave clarity; when they know the “why,” they are more likely to comply. Consider using parental control settings or specialized monitoring software to keep track of online activity, but always ensure your child knows about these measures. Transparency fosters trust and open communication.
Educate Your Child About Privacy
Explain that not everyone online has good intentions. Emphasize the dangers of sharing private information — from photographs of their personal space to explicit images or even revealing details like their address or schedule. Encourage children to limit information in their online profiles and to be suspicious of anyone who requests personal data.
Encourage Healthy Device Habits and Limit Screen Time
Excessive and unsupervised screen time makes children more vulnerable to online predators. Parents should take active steps to set clear limits on screen time and model healthy device habits themselves. Encourage regular screen breaks and involve children in engaging offline activities like sports, family game nights, or creative hobbies to foster a balanced lifestyle. Encouraging offline activities like family board game nights, outdoor sports, or volunteering can effectively reduce screen dependency.
Establishing daily routines that include reading time, hobbies, or creative projects also helps create a healthier balance between online and offline activities. Set regular screen breaks and designate device-free zones or times, such as the dinner table or bedtime. Encouraging offline activities like sports, reading, or family outings can also reduce the risks associated with constant online presence.
The Importance of Open Communication with Children
No amount of digital surveillance can replace the power of a supportive conversation. Actively listening to your child’s experiences, worries, and insights about life online creates a safe space. This way, if they ever encounter a threatening situation, they’ll be far more likely to seek help immediately.
- Ask Specific Questions: Instead of asking, “How was your day?”, try “Did anything interesting or unusual happen online today?”
- Emphasize Safety Over Punishment: Remind your child that they won’t be in trouble if they admit to making a mistake. This safety net encourages honesty.
- Stay Calm and Curious: If your child shares a difficult story, maintain a supportive tone. Reacting with anger or disappointment could shut down future communication.
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Teach Your Child Responsible Digital Behavior
Be a Role Model
Children often learn by observation. If you, as a parent, maintain healthy digital boundaries — like limiting device use during family time — your kids are more likely to model that behavior.
Review Social Media Settings Together
Walk through privacy settings with your child, making sure they understand how to limit who sees their posts, block suspicious accounts, and report inappropriate content. This practical walkthrough not only teaches them technical skills but also reinforces a sense of responsibility.
Explain the Concept of a Digital Footprint
Emphasize that anything shared online can potentially become public. Even if a post is later deleted, screenshots or saved copies can circulate indefinitely. Encourage children to think before they post and consider whether they’d be comfortable if their friends, teachers, or future employers saw the content.
Child Online Safety Tools and Resources for Parents
- Technology Solutions
- Parental Control Software: Install reputable software that tracks online usage and sets limits on specific apps or websites. We recommend the OurPact App. https://app.ourpact.com/signup/cybersafetycop
- Filtering and Blocking Tools: Use filters to block explicit sites or content that might lead children into risky online encounters.
- Social Media Monitoring: Review your child’s friend lists, followers, and connections. Although it’s essential to respect their privacy, minors often need adult oversight.
- Law Enforcement Support
If you suspect a sextortion attempt, do not hesitate to contact local police or cybercrime units. They have specialized resources to trace online predators, collect evidence, and offer legal guidance. Acting swiftly can prevent further exploitation. - Counseling and Emotional Support
Professional counseling or child therapists can help a child recover from the emotional scars caused by sextortion. Ensure you have a mental health plan in place, particularly if your child exhibits signs of anxiety, depression, or withdrawal.
Sextortion is a real and rapidly growing threat in today’s hyperconnected environment. Protecting your child from these scams requires a multi-faceted approach: open communication, a comprehensive understanding of digital risks, structured guidelines for device use, and proactive monitoring. When children comprehend the dangers and know they have supportive parents behind them, the likelihood of encountering or succumbing to sextortion dramatically decreases.
Clayton Cranford
Clayton Cranford is the founder of Cyber Safety Cop. He is a retired Sergeant from the Orange County Sheriff’s Department, where he served as a School Resource Officer, Juvenile Investigator, Crisis Negotiator, and Behavioral Threat Assessor. Clayton is recognized as one of the nation’s leading law enforcement educators on social media, child safety, teen drug abuse prevention, and behavioral threat assessments. He authored the definitive parent guide to online safety, “Parenting in the Digital World,” and his new book, “Screen Time Standoff: Negotiation Skills to Unplug Your Kid.” His books, course information, and other educational material can be found at his website: www.cybersafetycop.com.
NOTE: The views expressed by guest bloggers and contributors are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, Campus Safety.
